Expectations In Marriage

I saw the lectures that form the basis of this book, and so, though I haven’t read the book yet, I can recommend it.

One of the biggest problems facing people who are contemplating getting married is the problem of expectations. We usually expect more from the potential spouse, and less of ourselves. Furthermore, we expect our future spouse to feed our own idolatries. Then, when they do not, we turn on them. Paul addresses these problems and others, advocating a reconciliation mindset full of God’s grace.



  1. Cally D. G. said,

    March 22, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    AMEN to whomever wrote this. Expectations fall in line with the 10th commandment and how short I fall short of complete and utter contentment with my schedule, husband, church and kids…. Worshiping God in every extreme of life through the life of Christ is an incredible calling….out East to find the time to pray is very difficult and hence the prayers of others help to help release those thoughts and difficulties to the only One who can save us.

  2. Reed Here said,

    March 22, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    I’ve used this book and the DVD series with great blessings with a group of young adults. The principles easily apply to any kind of relationship.

    We’ll be using it in an upcoming Sunday School class next. Highly recommend.

  3. Frank Aderholdt said,

    March 22, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    My 44th Wedding Anniversary in June 1st. Occasionally, I manage to get something right. Forget about my expectations of my wife. I’m still amazed at my constant failure to meet my own.

  4. Reed Here said,

    March 22, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Excellent observation Frank. And congrats (when June 1st rolls around. )

  5. Frank Aderholdt said,

    March 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    At Wikipedia, I saw that that the Modern (U.S.) gift for the 44th Anniversary is “Groceries.” That’s not very romantic. Maybe I’ll spring for something that’s closer to her heart, like a new dishwasher or a weedeater.

  6. jedpaschall said,

    March 22, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Managing expectations is the name of the game in marriage, I mean I expected that my wife would be able to more quickly recognize how smart, funny, and thoughtful I really am. Six years in, I am still waiting.

    Looks like an interesting read. For those like Reed who have used Tripp’s book, how does it stack up against some of the other marriage books published in the Reformed camp recently?

  7. Frank Aderholdt said,

    March 22, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Close to forty years ago, I remember hearing Jay Adams answer a question about “compatibility” in marriage. He said something like, “Compatibility? You’ve got to be kidding. No two sinners are compatible by nature. The only solution is God’s grace and our lifelong repentance.”

  8. Reed Here said,

    March 22, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Jed: I like this book and also Winston Smith’s Marriage Matters. In fact, I use both of them in pre-marital counseling. Both books, written for existing marriages, provide a real world view for new couples as to what the road ahead actually may look like. Very effective.

    I kind of like these both above others particularly because of their gospel-focus, how to function in marriage via faith/repentance in Christ through the Spirit for the Father.

  9. Chris Hansen said,

    March 25, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    Thanks for the recommendations. I’m currently engaged and have been looking for some good books on marriage. Most of the “Christian bookstore” books on marriage I’ve come across have been heavy on pop-psychology and light on serious engagement with the biblical-theological aspects of marriage so I’m grateful for recommendations from learned, Reformed folks like yourselves. Any additional books anyone on here would recommend?

  10. greenbaggins said,

    March 27, 2012 at 11:06 am

    I like Harvey’s book “When Sinners Say ‘I Do.'” In my opinion, the single most important thing to keep in mind in marriage is to have a mindset of reconciliation and problem-solving. It is a commitment to working through issues fueled by grace.

  11. Chris Hansen said,

    March 27, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Thanks Lane, I’ll check it out.

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